Your very moving question reflects why Judaism requires that, when someone wishes to convert to Judaism, both spouses must be on the same page. Think about it: How can only one spouse adhere with fealty to the laws of family purity if the other spouse does not? How can one spouse build a Jewish home with a proper Shabbat home environment while the other is watching a college football game on TV in the next room? Is one parent going to be strictly kosher while the other brings the kids to McDonald’s? How rear Jewish children properly in such an environment?
Yes, the same problem arises in a two-Jewish-parent home when one opts to begin observing the Torah and mitzvot, while the other refuses to evolve. That is horrible, emotionally wrenching for the observant party. But such a situation is completely outside the pale if someone non-Jewish wishes to convert, to come into a Covenant to which the spouse is not willing to adhere.
In my rabbinical career of thirty years, I have experienced wonderful situations when the demurring spouse, with some rabbinical pastoral counseling and lots of encouragement and love, came “on board.” But if (s)he will not agree to live the Torah life, then we will not proceed with the conversion. We will not bring someone into the Covenant between G-d-the-Creator and the Jewish People if the Covenant will not be lived and honored at home by both members of the couple.
The first baby steps for the recalcitrant spouse may be accepting the baby naming, your candle-lighting, and the Jewish preschool. But in time a Jewish home also needs a proper Shabbat each and every weekend, from Friday sunset to Saturday nightfall; a strictly kosher home and kosher-eating lifestyle outside the home; inclusion of mikveh in the marriage; commitment to the Jewish calendar, rearing children to live the life of practicing Jews.
If you really want to be Jewish – authentically a member of the Torah Covenant, beyond a pro forma conversion that will not be regarded for yourself or your children by wide swaths of the Jewish People – then your spouse would need to work through his issues. With the right rabbi, I have seen this effort succeed. Otherwise, we could not put you through to conversion, and – even if we could – your children would emerge so very confused. In Orthodoxy, it tragically would have to be a “No Go.” Which is the reason that a sensitive and gifted rabbi, and a loving spouse, potentially could overcome the challenge. It is not clear whether you have those ingredients in your recipe. From your passion, you clearly deserve those ingredients.