Judaism is a religion of moderation in all things. We believe in self-preservation. We also believe in righteous giving. We are not ascetics. But, we are also not insatiable. We believe in meeting our physical needs, but not overindulging those needs to a point of greed. Maimonides calls this the middle path. He argues that, “The upright path is the middle path of all the qualities known to man. This is the path which is equally distant from the two extremes, not being too close to either side (Yad Hahazakah 1:4). This sensibility of doing good for others without complete regard for yourself emerges earlier in Jewish tradition, with the teachings of Rabbi Hillel who writes, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when (Pirke Avot 1:14)?” And, it is a force for good that urges us to take care of one another, even when it might not be easy for us.

 

Our mythic history comes from an understanding that once we were slaves in Egypt. It is the story that binds us all together. And, because of this narrative we are taught that we must look out for others who are oppressed and stand up for them. We are told that we cannot remain neutral, but must engage in liberation wherever it is needed.

 

We put other people’s needs above our own when doing so would not bring great harm to us. If giving someone tzedakah would mean that we are unable to pay our own bills, then our tradition would encourage us to abstain from that kind of giving. If serving on a hevre kadisha to prepare a body for burial would bring too much spiritual anguish, then our tradition would ask us to find a different way to serve the dead and comfort the mourners. 

 

Doing something that damages our own well-being is not a mitzvah. And, doing good for others is not an all or nothing endeavor. But, our tradition would ask us if we can, from a place of integrity, say that we have given full consideration to how we can put the good of our neighbor alongside, if not above, our own. That is the middle path that Maimonides asks us to discover. And, that is what Hillel argued when he asked us to consider if we are only for ourselves, or if we are never for ourselves.

 

This is quite a broad question, and certainly answers to it can only be general in nature.

 

Many sources within Judaism teach that although “Love Thy Fellow as Thyself” is an overarching principle of the entire Torah,(as famously taught by Hillel and Rabbi Akiva), charity begins at home.  A person is required to see themselves as living for something much grander and more important than one’s own egotistical and parochial needs; to know that they were put in the world to serve, to do for God and for others, and to make the world a better place for all.  However, in order to do that, one must be healthy in mind and spirit and body, and have a positive self-image as a person of self worth and great potential who can then perform all of the great tasks that they were put in the world to accomplish.   One thus needs to tread the middle path between, on the one hand being giving and altruistic, and on the other hand, not being a “schmatte” (doormat) that allows people to use and abuse them.  And so on and so forth in all areas.

 

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch has an important lesson to impart on this topic.   If you think about it, the verse “Love Thy Fellow as Thyself” seems to set up an impossible ideal.   We all know that virtually no one loves ANYONE as much as they love themselves, even their closest friends and family.  How then, does the Torah demand of us to love ALL others as much as myself?  Impossible!!!

 

Rav Hirsch says brilliantly that if we think that this is what the Torah demands we have not read the verse properly.   The verse does not read ואהבת את רעיך כמוך (Love thy fellow as thyself), but rather ואהבת לרעיך כמוך (Love to thy fellow as thyself).

 

There is a huge difference here. 

 

As stated above, we cannot possibly love all others as much as ourselves.  But that is not what is asked of us.  It is the interface between people that is the subject of this mitzvah.  The way that we wish to be treated, that which is “to thy fellow”; it is with that same degree of love that we are to treat others.  We may not love the other person – we may downright dislike them (although we really need to try not to).   But we are to TREAT them with love.  Or as Hillel put it, “That which is hateful to you, do not do to others”. 

 

Included in this teaching, I believe, is the requirement that just as we would not want to have someone else’s needs have priority over my own in a way that would be injurious to me, so too should I treat others, and not have them expect that their needs

should have priority over mine when they are hurtful to me.

 

Bottom line – Of course we are to love, respect, and serve others – that is at the core of who we are.  But if the demands of others are injurious to ourselves, we need to look at how we wish to be treated, and treat others with same degree of love that we would accord to ourselves.

 

1. The lowest priority is giving to a needy gentile.
2. Higher than this is one who gives to a fellow Jew from another town.
3. Higher than this is one who gives to a fellow Jew from his own town,
4. Still higher than this is one who gives to his needy relative,
5. Still higher is one who supports his young children.
6. Even higher than this is one who supports his aging parents.