Thanks so much for your email. There are many complicated issues at play here. First, whether there can really only be two parents? Also, is the womb a determining factor of Jewish status? Lastly, what roles does genetics play in the decision to parent? None of these questions are easy to answer and they are intensely personal decisions. I want to be clear that my belief is that each situation is unique, and each family is a bit different. I can offer general ideas, but that specifics would need to be dealt with on a case-by-case basis.
In the Shulhan Aruh (a code of Jewish law from the Medieval period), we learn that a woman who converts while pregnant does not have to immerse her child when s/he is born. From this, we might argue that the womb at the moment of birth is the determining factor in Jewish status. The issue of matrilineal descent is complicated, however, by contemporary technology and values. I don’t believe any one biological factor is more determinative than another in conveying Jewish status. As a rabbi who believes strongly in egalitarianism, it is important to me that the genetic contribution of a father is also recognized in the discussion of status. In that way, when three people are involved in the creative process (the egg donor, the sperm donor, and the womb donor) it seems only logical to give equal value to all parties.
To be clear, in my opinion a child who is conceived with at least one Jewish biological marker (womb, egg, sperm) and then is raised in a Jewish home should be seen as Jewish.
Regarding the combing of DNA to avoid genetic diseases, I would again argue that the issues at play are intensely complicated and cannot be fully discussed in this short response. However, Jewish tradition values the living over the potential of life. It is Maimonides (a medieval scholar) who argues that if the life of a living parent is threatened, then we do whatever is necessary to preserve the life that already exists.
While it is important to understand and balance technology with our values, I think that in general we give great deference to folks who are trying to avoid disease. I have sat with parents who are trying to determine whether to abort an unborn child who will have some of these incredibly painful and awful genetic mutations. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done – and I cannot imagine the pain of the potential parents.
That said, in this case, regardless of the genetic diseases, I can understand and appreciate the desire for a same-gendered couple to have a child where the DNA is taken from both parents. I think that Judaism has not yet caught up to this conversation, but that in general, Jewish tradition would still give preference to the parent who carried the child. In a more egalitarian understanding, we would name both genetic contributors, and give Jewish status as we would in the case of an egg donor – where any single genetic marker can convey Jewish status.